苗疆小说网

第78章（第1页）

SheperfectlyrememberedeverythingthathadpassedinconversationbetweenWickhamandherself，intheirfirsteveningatMr。Phillipss。Manyofhisexpressionswerestillfreshinhermemory。Shewasnowstruckwiththeimproprietyofsuchcommunicationstoastranger，andwonderedithadescapedherbefore。Shesawtheindelicacyofputtinghimselfforwardashehaddone，andtheinconsistencyofhisprofessionswithhisconduct。SherememberedthathehadboastedofhavingnofearofseeingMr。Darcy—thatMr。Darcymightleavethecountry，butthatheshouldstandhisground;yethehadavoidedtheNetherfieldballtheverynextweek。Sherememberedalsothat，tilltheNetherfieldfamilyhadquittedthecountry，hehadtoldhisstorytonoonebutherself;butthataftertheirremovalithadbeeneverywherediscussed;thathehadthennoreserves，noscruplesinsinkingMr。Darcyscharacter，thoughhehadassuredherthatrespectforthefatherwouldalwayspreventhisexposingtheson。

Howdifferentlydideverythingnowappearinwhichhewasconcerned!HisattentionstoMissKingwerenowtheconsequenceofviewssolelyandhatefullymercenary;andthemediocrityofherfortuneprovednolongerthemoderationofhiswishes，buthiseagernesstograspatanything。Hisbehaviourtoherselfcouldnowhavehadnotolerablemotive;hehadeitherbeendeceivedwithregardtoherfortune，orhadbeengratifyinghisvanitybyencouragingthepreferencewhichshebelievedshehadmostincautiouslyshown。Everylingeringstruggleinhisfavourgrewfainterandfainter;andinfartherjustificationofMr。Darcy，shecouldnotbutallowthatMr。Bingley，whenquestionedbyJane，hadlongagoassertedhisblamelessnessintheaffair;thatproudandrepulsiveaswerehismanners，shehadnever，inthewholecourseoftheiracquaintance—anacquaintancewhichhadlatterlybroughtthemmuchtogether，andgivenherasortofintimacywithhisways—seenanythingthatbetrayedhimtobeunprincipledorunjust—anythingthatspokehimofirreligiousorimmoralhabits;thatamonghisownconnectionshewasesteemedandvalued—thatevenWickhamhadallowedhimmeritasabrother，andthatshehadoftenheardhimspeaksoaffectionatelyofhissisterastoprovehimcapableofsomeamiablefeeling;thathadhisactionsbeenwhatMr。Wickhamrepresentedthem，sogrossaviolationofeverythingrightcouldhardlyhavebeenconcealedfromtheworld;andthatfriendshipbetweenapersoncapableofit，andsuchanamiablemanasMr。Bingley，wasincomprehensible。

Shegrewabsolutelyashamedofherself。OfneitherDarcynorWickhamcouldshethinkwithoutfeelingshehadbeenblind，partial，prejudiced，absurd。

“HowdespicablyIhaveacted!”shecried;“I，whohavepridedmyselfonmydiscernment!I，whohavevaluedmyselfonmyabilities!whohaveoftendisdainedthegenerouscandourofmysister，andgratifiedmyvanityinuselessorblameablemistrust!Howhumiliatingisthisdiscovery!Yet，howjustahumiliation!HadIbeeninlove，Icouldnothavebeenmorewretchedlyblind!Butvanity，notlove，hasbeenmyfolly。Pleasedwiththepreferenceofone，andoffendedbytheneglectoftheother，ontheverybeginningofouracquaintance，Ihavecourtedprepossessionandignorance，anddrivenreasonaway，whereeitherwereconcerned。TillthismomentIneverknewmyself。”

FromherselftoJane—fromJanetoBingley，herthoughtswereinalinewhichsoonbroughttoherrecollectionthatMr。Darcysexplanationtherehadappearedveryinsufficient，andshereaditagain。Widelydifferentwastheeffectofasecondperusal。Howcouldshedenythatcredittohisassertionsinoneinstance，whichshehadbeenobligedtogiveintheother?Hedeclaredhimselftobetotallyunsuspiciousofhersistersattachment;andshecouldnothelprememberingwhatCharlottesopinionhadalwaysbeen。NeithercouldshedenythejusticeofhisdeionofJane。ShefeltthatJanesfeelings，thoughfervent，werelittledisplayed，andthattherewasaconstantcomplacencyinherairandmannernotoftenunitedwithgreatsensibility。

Whenshecametothatpartoftheletterinwhichherfamilywerementionedintermsofsuchmortifying，yetmeritedreproach，hersenseofshamewassevere。Thejusticeofthechargestruckhertooforciblyfordenial，andthecircumstancestowhichheparticularlyalludedashavingpassedattheNetherfieldball，andasconfirmingallhisfirstdisapprobation，couldnothavemadeastrongerimpressiononhismindthanonhers。

Thecomplimenttoherselfandhersisterwasnotunfelt。Itsoothed，butitcouldnotconsoleherforthecontemptwhichhadthusbeenself-attractedbytherestofherfamily;andassheconsideredthatJanesdisappointmenthadinfactbeentheworkofhernearestrelations，andreflectedhowmateriallythecreditofbothmustbehurtbysuchimproprietyofconduct，shefeltdepressedbeyondanythingshehadeverknownbefore。

Afterwanderingalongthelanefortwohours，givingwaytoeveryvarietyofthought—re-consideringevents，determiningprobabilities，andreconcilingherself，aswellasshecould，toachangesosuddenandsoimportant，fatigue，andarecollectionofherlongabsence，madeheratlengthreturnhome;andsheenteredthehousewiththewishofappearingcheerfulasusual，andtheresolutionofrepressingsuchreflectionsasmustmakeherunfitforconversation。

ShewasimmediatelytoldthatthetwogentlemenfromRosingshadeachcalledduringherabsence;Mr。Darcy，onlyforafewminutes，totakeleave—butthatColonelFitzwilliamhadbeensittingwiththematleastanhour，hopingforherreturn，andalmostresolvingtowalkafterhertillshecouldbefound。Elizabethcouldbutjustaffectconcerninmissinghim;shereallyrejoicedatit。ColonelFitzwilliamwasnolongeranobject;shecouldthinkonlyofherletter。