苗疆小说网

第74章（第1页）

“IhadnotbeenlonginHertfordshire，beforeIsaw，incommonwithothers，thatBingleypreferredyoureldersistertoanyotheryoungwomaninthecountry。ButitwasnottilltheeveningofthedanceatNetherfieldthatIhadanyapprehensionofhisfeelingaseriousattachment。Ihadoftenseenhiminlovebefore。Atthatball，whileIhadthehonourofdancingwithyou，Iwasfirstmadeacquainted，bySirWilliamLucassaccidentalinformation，thatBingleysattentionstoyoursisterhadgivenrisetoageneralexpectationoftheirmarriage。Hespokeofitasacertainevent，ofwhichthetimealonecouldbeundecided。FromthatmomentIobservedmyfriendsbehaviourattentively;andIcouldthenperceivethathispartialityforMissBennetwasbeyondwhatIhadeverwitnessedinhim。YoursisterIalsowatched。Herlookandmannerswereopen，cheerful，andengagingasever，butwithoutanysymptomofpeculiarregard，andIremainedconvincedfromtheeveningsscrutiny，thatthoughshereceivedhisattentionswithpleasure，shedidnotinvitethembyanyparticipationofsentiment。Ifyouhavenotbeenmistakenhere，Imusthavebeeninerror。Yoursuperiorknowledgeofyoursistermustmakethelatterprobable。Ifitbeso，ifIhavebeenmisledbysucherrortoinflictpainonher，yourresentmenthasnotbeenunreasonable。ButIshallnotscrupletoassert，thattheserenityofyoursisterscountenanceandairwassuchasmighthavegiventhemostacuteobserveraconvictionthat，howeveramiablehertemper，herheartwasnotlikelytobeeasilytouched。ThatIwasdesirousofbelievingherindifferentiscertain—butIwillventuretosaythatmyinvestigationanddecisionsarenotusuallyinfluencedbymyhopesorfears。IdidnotbelievehertobeindifferentbecauseIwishedit;Ibelieveditonimpartialconviction，astrulyasIwisheditinreason。MyobjectionstothemarriagewerenotmerelythosewhichIlastnightacknowledgedtohavetheutmostrequiredforceofpassiontoputaside，inmyowncase;thewantofconnectioncouldnotbesogreataneviltomyfriendastome。Buttherewereothercausesofrepugnance;causeswhich，thoughstillexisting，andexistingtoanequaldegreeinbothinstances，Ihadmyselfendeavouredtoforget，becausetheywerenotimmediatelybeforeme。Thesecausesmustbestated，thoughbriefly。Thesituationofyourmothersfamily，thoughobjectionable，wasnothingincomparisontothattotalwantofproprietysofrequently，soalmostuniformlybetrayedbyherself，byyourthreeyoungersisters，andoccasionallyevenbyyourfather。Pardonme。Itpainsmetooffendyou。Butamidstyourconcernforthedefectsofyournearestrelations，andyourdispleasureatthisrepresentationofthem，letitgiveyouconsolationtoconsiderthat，tohaveconductedyourselvessoastoavoidanyshareofthelikecensure，ispraisenolessgenerallybestowedonyouandyoureldersister，thanitishonourabletothesenseanddispositionofboth。Iwillonlysayfartherthatfromwhatpassedthatevening，myopinionofallpartieswasconfirmed，andeveryinducementheightenedwhichcouldhaveledmebefore，topreservemyfriendfromwhatIesteemedamostunhappyconnection。HeleftNetherfieldforLondon，onthedayfollowing，asyou，Iamcertain，remember，withthedesignofsoonreturning。

“ThepartwhichIactedisnowtobeexplained。Hissistersuneasinesshadbeenequallyexcitedwithmyown;ourcoincidenceoffeelingwassoondiscovered，and，alikesensiblethatnotimewastobelostindetachingtheirbrother，weshortlyresolvedonjoininghimdirectlyinLondon。Weaccordinglywent—andthereIreadilyengagedintheofficeofpointingouttomyfriendthecertainevilsofsuchachoice。Idescribed，andenforcedthemearnestly。But，howeverthisremonstrancemighthavestaggeredordelayedhisdetermination，Idonotsupposethatitwouldultimatelyhavepreventedthemarriage，haditnotbeensecondedbytheassurancethatIhesitatednotingiving，ofyoursistersindifference。Hehadbeforebelievedhertoreturnhisaffectionwithsincere，ifnotwithequalregard。ButBingleyhasgreatnaturalmodesty，withastrongerdependenceonmyjudgementthanonhisown。Toconvincehim，therefore，thathehaddeceivedhimself，wasnoverydifficultpoint。TopersuadehimagainstreturningintoHertfordshire，whenthatconvictionhadbeengiven，wasscarcelytheworkofamoment。Icannotblamemyselfforhavingdonethusmuch。ThereisbutonepartofmyconductinthewholeaffaironwhichIdonotreflectwithsatisfaction;itisthatIcondescendedtoadoptthemeasuresofartsofarastoconcealfromhimyoursistersbeingintown。Iknewitmyself，asitwasknowntoMissBingley;butherbrotherisevenyetignorantofit。Thattheymighthavemetwithoutillconsequenceisperhapsprobable;buthisregarddidnotappeartomeenoughextinguishedforhimtoseeherwithoutsomedanger。Perhapsthisconcealment，thisdisguisewasbeneathme;itisdone，however，anditwasdoneforthebest。OnthissubjectIhavenothingmoretosay，nootherapologytooffer。IfIhavewoundedyoursistersfeelings，itwasunknowinglydoneandthoughthemotiveswhichgovernedmemaytoyouverynaturallyappearinsufficient，Ihavenotyetlearnttocondemnthem。

“Withrespecttothatother，moreweightyaccusation，ofhavinginjuredMr。Wickham，Icanonlyrefuteitbylayingbeforeyouthewholeofhisconnectionwithmyfamily。OfwhathehasparticularlyaccusedmeIamignorant;butofthetruthofwhatIshallrelate，Icansummonmorethanonewitnessofundoubtedveracity。